My best professor at Stanford, the one who made the whole thing worthwhile, told me people think incorrectly about the past. Most people think the past is over, fixed, closed, he explained. He said the past is as open as the future.
I knew what he meant. He didn’t mean past events would change. He meant the meaning of the past events was endlessly fluid and open to interpretation.
Meeting Don Nelson on Tuesday got me thinking about this. Two events came to mind — past events.
About five years ago, give or take, I was at a Warriors practice. When it was over he invited me to a bar on Grand Avenue, Oakland to play shuffleboard with him. It’s one of those table games. I thought about it and said no. I don’t usually get close to the people I cover, even though I’ve known Don forever and we can have fun together. And there was something else. Don, I believe, would be friendly to a writer to influence him, even own him. I was wary of risking that, so I said no. Please keep this story in mind because I’ll come back to it.
The second incident happened in Don’s final year. It was preseason and the Warriors were giving media access to Don for one on ones. When it was my turn, he answered my first few questions in an abrupt, grumpy tone. “Am I boring you?” I said. “Yes,” he said.
I took a deep breath and soldiered on with the crummy interview. Many times after that, I scolded myself for not getting up and walking away.
OK, cut to Tuesday. Several media people and I had a great time with Don. After a while, I needed to leave. I shook his hand and wished him all the best and meant it. He looked at me and said, “We never did get to play shuffleboard.”
I was taken aback. I had forgotten about it and was surprised he remembered. It obviously meant something to him, I don’t know what.
So, now I change the meaning of that event. If I had the chance to do it over, I would have played shuffleboard. Instead of something to be avoided, it might have been something I should have embraced. I don’t know why I had been so standoffish.
Now I come to the interview, when he said he was bored. I’ve resolved it, for now. I’m glad I didn’t get huffy and walk away. What would have been the point? Maybe Don was having a bad day. Maybe he was having a bad year.
The past changed for me.
Mark M
Wow, that was a fascinating story Lowell. I like it. In your column, I was glad to see you took yourself out of the column for the most part and just featured Don at his amicable and opinionated best. I was skeptical when I first opened it. But this background story explains much. I enjoyed the history lesson you gave me.
August 29th, 2012 9:43 am
Brady
If you remember that the past changes, it makes it easier to be understanding in the present.
August 29th, 2012 10:24 am
Chris Kemp
Lowell what fascinates me about your writing is how simple it is, but the ideas are not. It’s like your prose has been honed down to be as efficient as possible over years of practice. The other thing: when I read your prose I can hear your voice in my head. That doesn’t always happen with sportswriters who I hear on TV. Maybe Ratto a little, although his prose is quite dense, the opposite approach to you. Don’t know what it means but I thought I would bring it up.
August 29th, 2012 10:26 am
Dennis
I agree that the past is as open as the future. I don’t mean to bring politics into this, but just look at how we view our past presidents at the time they leave office and then how we view them 8 years down the road. Both views are taken of the same past, but obviously through lenses.
Great stories within a great story.
August 29th, 2012 10:30 am
Stan
OR, as a master manipulator that Don Nelson is..he in few words managed to put the guilt trip on you.
I was there to see Don on TV say he had no interest in George Karl’s job as coach of GS..48 hours later? Nelson was in and that fat camel had pushed Karl out of the tent.
And-amazingly like you,Karl admires Nelson still.
He and Beane man make the world their plaything.
August 29th, 2012 10:35 am
B-Rad
“Am I boring you?”
“Yes.”
You asked, he answered honestly – that’s fine.
Good for Nellie.
Or he could have fibbed, “No, your questions are stimulating to me”.
That would have been fine too.
You didn’t storm off in a huff.
Good for you.
August 29th, 2012 10:41 am
KauaiRobert
‘Maybe Don was having a bad day. Maybe he was having a bad year.’
.
.
Maybe he was upset because he invited you to join him for a good time and you turned him down flat.
.
Maybe he needed a break from the hectic B-ball world and just wanted to relax and enjoy the company of Lowell Cohn the person as opposed to Lowell Cohn the columnist.
.
Maybe you could have explained your reasoning to him instead of simply declining the invitation.
.
Not to get all ‘Dear Abby’ on you…but still…
.
.
.
*ALOHA*
August 29th, 2012 11:28 am
CohnZohn
KauaiRobert, You’re absolutely right.
August 29th, 2012 11:34 am
KauaiRobert
Maybe.
.
.
.
*ALOHA*
August 29th, 2012 11:56 am
mike
When Nellie said he was bored with the questions you were asking, I would have faced him and said, “OK, in your mind, what is so important in your mind that you would rather address?” Maybe, if he had made some comments and had a vested interest in the interview process, his comments may have led to another set of questions from you.
August 29th, 2012 12:03 pm
Dr. Feelgood
An “ah ha!” moment. Isn’t it wonderful when belief and perception is rocked like that?
August 29th, 2012 1:38 pm
Stan
If it makes you better to take the blame..that’s up to you.He knew you would, no doubt. But Nelson has no lack of compunction to bring up something that an honest,sincere Nelson wouldn’t. Or, a sincere Nelson would have forgotten. But,you don’t have Nelson’ past and career to be that way. There is a good reason people say Don Nelson lied and screwed over and manipulated others.Because…he did.
August 29th, 2012 1:38 pm
Tiburon Dave
The fact that Mullin is presenting him says something…I’m not exactly sure what, but it’s clear that people who Nelson appears to have screwed over the years have a tough time holding a grudge…
Did he address that at all?
Do you have any thoughts on Mullin presenting him?
August 29th, 2012 2:54 pm
CohnZohn
Tiburon Dave, No one asked Nelson about his relationship with Mullin; it wasn’t that kind of lunch. I believe in the past there was tension between them, more from Mullin to Nelson. I also know there is a bond and Mullin is a nice man.
August 29th, 2012 3:12 pm
LameDuck
If you had said yes then would you be who you are today? That one decision could have changed who you were and therefore who you were going to be. I’m glad you said no to the shuffleboard game and maintained what you thought was the right thing to do at that moment in time.
August 29th, 2012 8:05 pm