I’m home now from New York and it’s very hot here in the Oakland hills. Grant and I had lots of fun. We ate at Delizia in the Upper East Side, Sammy’s Noodle Shop in the Village, Becco on W. 46th Street and Striga on the Upper West Side with my cousin Alison.

I love New York for how the people talk — how I talk. So here are three snippets which killed me. I hope you enjoy them.

1. Grant and I are walking in Midtown and a guy tries to park in front of a building and the doorman says, “You can’t park here. I got a motorcade coming.”

2. I’m eating lunch at the Jets game and from another table I hear one guy say, “No way Alice Cooper belongs in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.”

3. Grant and I leave our hotel room about noon on Saturday. Two maids are in the corridor. I say we’ll be out all afternoon. One maid says, “I was going out, but now I have to clean your room because you’re leaving.” I say, “What, do you have date?” The other maid looks at me and says, “Do you wanna talk?” Grant blushes. I say, “This is my son and I love my wife.” The maid smiles.

I love New Yawk tawk.

It took us an hour and a half to drive back to Manhattan from the Meadowlands. It takes a long time to get to the toll booth at the Washington Bridge. Finally, Grant said get off this thing. He has an app that shows roads and he directed me through a Jersey town right to the toll booth and we zipped right through. The toll cost 12 bucks.


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  1. Albert Park

    Wow! $12 toll! Maybe I shouldn’t whine so much about $6 for the Golden Gate Bridge!

    October 1st, 2012 11:27 pm

  2. Eric Janssen

    Snip-ett #1. I vote for that one. That kills me.

    October 2nd, 2012 4:22 am

  3. Gopal

    Alice Cooper belongs in the R&RHOF, no doubt about it.

    October 2nd, 2012 7:20 am

  4. Stan

    Mayne I didn’t frame it as a proper question before. You haven’t even considered writing a non sports novel?

    Let me tell you my life story…

    October 2nd, 2012 9:27 am

  5. J Canseco

    Pretty relevant post on the day the Oakland A’s clinch their first playoff birth since 2006. Yes those Oakland A’s, with the decrepit stadium, small blue collar fanbase, broke and crime-ridden hometown, carpetbagging billionaire owner, and 29th lowest payroll in MLB. I believe you said at the beginning of the season the A’s “aren’t even trying.” I believe you should post a public admission of dead wrongness.

    Let’s Go Oakland.

    October 2nd, 2012 9:34 am

  6. CohnZohn

    J Canseco, I’m sorry you don’t find my post relevant. I flew back on Monday from New York to LA, then changed planes and flew into Oakland, had dinner with my wife whom I hadn’t seen in days, dashed off my New York impressions and went to bed without knowing about the A’s. I’m sorry I let you down. Of course, I was dead wrong about the A’s. I’m happy to admit it.

    October 2nd, 2012 9:36 am

  7. Jim Bancroft

    Lowell, were you also in the hills when the 1991 firestorm happened? If so, I imagine every time it gets hot like this you keep one eye open.

    October 2nd, 2012 9:39 am

  8. Stacy Dunn

    Mr. Cohn, jumping on J Canseco’s bandwagon, which is a great name and wondering if it’s the real one, you should offer up an apology to the A’s and A’s fans for the horrible and irresponsible things you have said about the A’s. And your excuse is you flew into Oakland and had dinner with your wife and went to bed without knowing about the A’s? You call yourself a sportswriter?

    If you’re so happy to admit it, I’d like to see you openly do so.

    October 2nd, 2012 9:52 am

  9. Mark M

    love the maid story

    October 2nd, 2012 9:53 am

  10. Stan

    The A’s? A real life “Springtime for Hitler” team. Wolff and Beane “The Producers” who were sure they could prove Oakland cant compete with their aaaa A’s team in the west, proving their points made since Wolff and Fisher bought the team. This team was made to lose…and like “The Producers” they have a hit!.
    Too funny.

    October 2nd, 2012 10:04 am

  11. CohnZohn

    Jim, We live a little south of the firestorm. Glenn Dickey’s house burned and he was out of it more than a year. The fire came within 6 houses of Ira Miller.

    October 2nd, 2012 10:20 am

  12. CohnZohn

    Stacy Dunn, This is a particularly ungenerous comment on your part. I was more eager to see my wife than watch an A’s game.

    October 2nd, 2012 10:21 am

  13. Tiburon Dave

    Bravo for your fidelity but at the very least you should have been flattered that the maid was even willing to TAWK…

    You’re not as young as you used to be…

    As an old New Yorker myself I still struggle with three words that will forever mark my heritage…

    Quarter, Water, Daughter…

    My SoCal born wife laughs everytime I say any of them…

    October 2nd, 2012 10:28 am

  14. CohnZohn

    Tiburon Dave, I was flattered. FYI, the right way to say those three words is Quawta, Wawta, Dawta. Tell your SoCal wife I said so.

    October 2nd, 2012 10:31 am

  15. KauaiRobert

    J Canseco:
    Why are you always such a cry baby where the A’s are concerned?
    NEWS FLASH! Not everybody is an A’s fan.
    Get over it.
    That said…GO A’S!!!
    (I’m actually a Giants fan, but what the hell…) :)

    October 2nd, 2012 11:00 am

  16. Stan

    Arnold had a different answer to his maid…

    October 2nd, 2012 12:30 pm

  17. Streetglide

    “Glenn Dickey’s house burned and he was out of it more than a year…”

    I thought Glenn was out of it most of the time I read him back in the old days. -L- It was Caen, Coen and Dickey during breakfast at the Seagull in Mendonesia. Jon Caroll fit in there somewhere… Yeah, a cross-bay World Series. If I still watched baseball that would be huge. Meanwhile, how long before Colin starts?

    October 3rd, 2012 6:41 am

  18. Streetglide

    Cohn not Coen (memo: don’t post before your coffee)

    In other news, is New York cleaner than San Francisco? Would you trade your life here for NYC or its environs? I was born in Connecticut and there have been times — especially when reading the real estate adverts and checking the tax rates — that New Hampshire, Vermont, upstate New York and perhaps Maine look very inviting.
    Houses are dirt cheap compared to here; you could buy a nice old clapboard farm house and outbuildings on some land for much less than in California. Then again, you’d have to root for the Red Sox or the Yankees, the Giants or Patroits — not the Jets, ever.
    That might be tough.

    October 3rd, 2012 8:53 am

  19. CohnZohn

    Streetglide, I love the Bay Area, never could give it up.

    October 3rd, 2012 10:44 am

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