Link to my Tuesday column about Chip Kelly
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“Chip, can you get your pigs to fly?”
“Well, that’s a tough one, but I see watch the collaboration of our genetic engineering and physical training staffs and feel that, given reasonable time, yes, our pigs are gonna fly!”
It sounds like you don’t even need to go to the press conference. You have all of the answers.
However, the correct answer to your fifth question is, “Jeffery should hire Jim Tomsula. I hear he is available and is an excellent communicator with the players. In fact, I am told they loved him”.
49 white doves! I love it! And let’s hope his first press conference resembles your suggestions and not last year’s cherry-bomb of a disaster.
Great column, Lowell!
You left out the part after Jed releases 49 white doves into the room. They, the white doves, will do what doves do and poop all over your notes.
Feels like April in spring training….
I get these occasional flashbacks too Lowell. Hopefully they will go away in the next few years… ;- )
There’s really not that much difference between the ‘weigh all options not just at quarterback’ answer and the ‘preferred’ answer. Both amount to “I don’t know yet. We’ll see.” And that’s what he should say. Nothing wrong with being undecided at this point. And I love the emulating the Raiders answer! That’d go over real big with the front office, I’m sure.
I doubt any coach would answer those questions as open as that. They may come close, be a little more than just catch phrases, but I’m sure you’ll here more of the “excited to be here”, “talent on the roster”, “potential”, etc, type responses, nothing so black and white, lots of grey(gray?).
Last month you had a column titled: Five Questions for Jed York. At his press conference, neither you or any of the others in attendance asked any of those questions, or any that made Jed uncomfortable or caused him to reveal anything of importance. I’m not expecting anything different at the Chipster’s introductory presser, whenever it may be.
The good news is that Kelly can say words outside of “you know ” and “Let’s Go “, that in itself is a big deal. Also please ask him about Joan in Payroll, I hope she is ok in doing direct deposit into Jimmy T bank account.
Lowell Cohn, retired columnist for the Santa Rosa Press Democrat, covered sports for almost 40 years and never ran out of things to say.