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I have things to confess, bad things I’ve done in my life. Ordinarily, I would confess these misdeeds to Mrs. Cohn Zohn or a rabbi. Not any more. I want to confess to Oprah. On national TV. Just like Lance. I may even cry. Oprah is the Mother Confessor of our country, and if she can forgive me everyone can.

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17 Comments

  1. Jack Orion

    The Jebbies at USF will absolve you, sans tears.

    January 15th, 2013 3:57 pm

  2. RednGold1

    I KNOW!
    Last week David Letterman and Mother Confessor got over their fake feud in a mesmerizing interview, now Lance Armstrong admits he’s a cheater to Mother in another can’t-take-your-eyes-or-ears-away blood-letting. (Figuratively speaking.)
    Cant wait to see you, Mr. Cohn. And hear your cry for mercy as you divulge your misdeeds.
    I’m thinking your better half and your rabbi will understand, but will be glued to the show just the same.
    Come all the way clean now, you evil person, you.

    January 15th, 2013 4:02 pm

  3. Steve the cat rescuer

    The greatest fraud in the history of sports, but I’m sure he’ll get a hug from Mother Oprah and all will be forgiven by the many that attend her congregation. Cheating in baseball pales in comparison.

    January 15th, 2013 4:03 pm

  4. Oprah

    Tell me your sins.

    Posting will set you free.

    January 15th, 2013 4:15 pm

  5. lameduck

    Only if Barry goes first…

    January 15th, 2013 4:18 pm

  6. Jumbo Shrimp

    Lowell
    I saw you on Chronicle on Lance. He lied to cancer victims. In person and in his book. One of those victims was my father. My father read Lance’s book. My father was given 4 weeks to live, then read and was inspired by Lance’s book, and he lived for an entire year. I give my father and my family credit for creating a healing atmosphere, but my father gave Lance a lot of credit for the inspiration he provided. Is that a bad thing?

    January 15th, 2013 5:47 pm

  7. Stan

    Oh,Oprah. SO neurotic,yet says she’s never had therapy. And yet her show for 25 year was a parade of self help Guru’s. Her and Gayle,the 30 year engagement to Steadman. Eesh.
    I stopped watching back in the 90′s. I couldn’t take one more mention of her having an epiphany.
    Oprah,for years was like the leader of the island of kept,privileged woman who wanted to be more then a trophy,so they invented causes like inoculations cause baby’s with bad bladders despite no scientific evidence at all. Just that they read a internet blog.
    Ok,that was a reach,but true.

    January 15th, 2013 6:02 pm

  8. Streetglide

    You mean eating that cheeseburger in front of Rabbi Silvermann? Yeah, I’d be feeling bad about that too…

    January 15th, 2013 7:11 pm

  9. Johnc

    Don’t forget that Oprah unleased “Dr Phil” onto the public . His psychological freak/peep show draws good ratings though . What does that tell you about our culture? George Carlin had a few opinions about that.

    January 16th, 2013 12:08 am

  10. mbabco

    Interesting take on the whole business here (on an interesting website):

    Let the PR-Orchestrated, Media-Enabled Lance Armstrong Redemption Tour Begin! — BagNews

    http://www.bagnewsnotes.com/2013/01/let-the-pr-orchestrated-media-enabled-lance-armstrong-redemption-tour-begin/

    January 16th, 2013 2:28 am

  11. Nancy R

    Tiger’s lie was a piece of the pie and frankly none of our business. Lance’s lie was the whole pie and so egregious I can’t even get my mind around it. The entire US cycling team lying on beds in clandestine hotel rooms and having blood transfusions? Are you kidding me? And that kid who leaked US government documents in the Wiki Leak affair, (seeking to uncover truth by the way) is the one solitary confinement?

    January 16th, 2013 4:38 am

  12. Tommy CostaRica

    Lowell, how bout for your next Harbaugh presser you dress up like Oprah and Jim will answer all your questions and cry????

    January 16th, 2013 6:32 am

  13. Frank in Minnesota

    ….well, you’ve convinced me…i’m signed up….

    January 16th, 2013 11:26 am

  14. Tiburon Dave

    What a fraud…

    He spends 15 years using the power of his position to destroy the lives of those who simply told the truth.

    Now, with 8 attorneys in tow, he sits upon the sofa of America’s confessional and makes an act of contrition that is as contrived as it is self serving.

    John Sousa asks, “Have we gotten to the point yet where we just assume professional athletes are using some kind of performance enhancing drugs?”

    I know that I have…along with a paraphrase from Bernard Malamud…

    A newspaper headline by Max Mercy reveals Roy’s sellout. The article also contains a photo of Roy at nineteen, on the ground and bleeding from the gunshot wound of Harriet Bird. A boy turns to Roy and says, “Say it ain’t so,” but Roy cannot. He simply weeps.

    January 16th, 2013 12:32 pm

  15. Bob In Portland

    I may have waited too long to confess my sins. I’m forgetting them.

    January 17th, 2013 10:40 am

  16. Stan

    Remember who told you there are no Supermen.

    January 18th, 2013 9:46 am

  17. mbabco

    Very interesting interview with Kathy LeMond (Greg LeMond’s wife: he’s the only American to ever win the Tour de France) about Armstrong. Armstrong sounds like a real sleazebag: hard to believe he’s really contrite:

    http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/more/news/20130118/lance-armstrong-admission-kathy-lemond-reaction/?sct=hp_t2_a4&eref=sihp

    January 19th, 2013 12:12 am

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