Barry Bonds, the clown and almost-certain drug cheat and perhaps a perjurer, who used to play left field for the Giants, is claiming major-league teams acted in concert against hiring him in the 2008 season. And the players’ union agrees with him.

First of all, who cares? I never want to see his face again and many other people feel that way. But still he may have a case.

So I ask you this. Did the Giants collude not to employ the big-headed Bonds? I can just imagine this fantasy scenario. The Giants were dying to sign him up but a secret operative from the major leagues came to AT&T Park and convinced Peter Magowan not to touch Bonds. This, of course, broke Magowan’s heart because he really wanted all the grief Bonds would bring — a horde of media every day rummaging around the clubhouse and asking if Bonds is a cheater, the worst press in the world for employing Bonds yet again, and worst of all, Bonds himself skulking around the clubhouse thinking only about himself.

Please. Bonds is in fantasy land if he thinks the Giants colluded against him. He’s in fantasy land if he thinks other teams colluded. No one wanted him. No one wanted him because he is who he is.

Barry, just go away.

— Lowell